Blues @ Infinity

Recently I had a glance on some autobiographies that Dad brought (I dont know from where he brings such weird stuff) and felt the need to have a little introspection and that is how I thought why not write a letter to Jal who just got admission to an Engineering institute and the jackass is dancing like a whore, unaware of what is about to come. So here goes…

Dear 17 yr old Jal,

Hows you? Are you feeling great that you just got admission into ADIT? Well you might not be knowing this but you have made a right decision to take up an IT engineering programme. I know that sucky relative of ours told you not to, coz he felt he knew all about technology and that IT wont ever come up, believe me after 4 years, you will be doing ‘just fine’. Now the important part. I hope you have forgotten her and it was a nice relationship that you shared with her. I am glad to know that you have gained much strength after experiencing the traumatizing feeling of seeing her getting married to that fat-ass. Any way life will be more cooler for you so dont you worry. Try to love your brother and your parents (dad specially) because once you will come to Vidyanagar, you will miss them like anything. Dont be surprised if you feel like crying silently in the darkness in an unknown land. Do cry! You will not become a pussy if u cry! Try to not to be a smartass as you were in ur school. But I am sure my advice wont do any better.

Be ready to get stabbed badly on ur back by that girl who followed you till Vidyanagar. Although you believe her to be your friend, she will make everything so confusing and will mess up ur past and present so badly that you will start hating her to the point that it will erase any memories of friendship you ever shared with her.. Just dont think about it too much.. It will be useless for you anyway. And dont try to find any girl in your college life within the college premises. Although you have planned to flirt in your college life, you will be disappointed to see no one qualifying your criteria. Please be nice to your roomies and take care of them. They are nicer than you. So respect them. Soon you will have too many crushes within your college but they wont last more than 2 days so you will be safe.

Maintain a steady workflow. However, you will realise that none of your fucking plans are going as planned. Leave the tension and masturbate. But dont get addicted to it. I know your ‘tool’ has just discovered what’s masturbating but try to keep it twice a week and you will be fine. Dont mess up your bed sheet while doing so. Because there will be so many bastards who will make the whole lot of fuss out of that little white spot. Also dont drink too much tea. I know you love it like crazy but just keep it to the limit. Because boobs, tea and masturbation doesnt go well together. Trust me.

Contact mom regularly and do ask about her health and about your bro. She will definitely love it. I know I sound so fucked up right now but dont spend too much. Thats your dad’s hard earned money. You will know it when you will have a job for yourself. But do watch movies regularly with friends. It will be your only excuse to get out of the hell and get some entertainment.

By the way dont ever tolerate anybody’s shit. I should warn you that by doing so you may end up with no one in your hostel block talking to you for 1 complete week and you will feel like a loser but please for God’s sake dont give up. They will realise and soon everybody will hug you like crazy. In the process you will become such a careless brat that you will end up losing your damn phone. You will manage to get a new one which too will get you in trouble with your principal and your HOD. Do manage with these assholes with your witty common sense.

With a sad heart I must say that you wont learn anything ‘USEFUL’ in these 4 years of engineering. You will be imparted stale, dull and really fucked up so-called knowledge which will not help you in any way. I know it is a bold statement but what I gotta say, I gotta say. However, you will gain the utmost important knowledge of life, the true knowledge and a feeling of sensitivity, courage and upliftment of your spirits from your surroundings and your experiences in these 4 years. You will meet some really ass cracking friends who will share similar views with you, to the point that you may share similar dreams with similar characters. Love your friends and most importantly, respect their your own thoughts and theirs as well.

I know I know, you would like to know who will take the special position in your heart right? Well, she will descend upon you like an angel during your fourth semester and wont leave you ever. She is a beauty of a lifetime. Someone you always craved for. But I wont be ruining your excitement. You are going to discover her when you will be 20.

It became a rather long mail Jal but do keep in mind what I said and follow everything exactly as I said and you will be fine.

PS: By the way, do you remember that gold (plated ) earring and necklace you bought (out of SRK-like craziness) in your 12th grade for your school love (which she returned you in a filmy style) ?? I am sorry to say this but you will misplace it in your hostel room and will never find it again.

Yours sincerely,

23 yr old Jal.